swirlingflight

so I had a diagnostic mammogram on Friday to follow up on some stuff they saw in October, and apparently I need a biopsy now. there's a roughly 2 cm calcification that sprung up in the last 6 months plus another area of calcification in the same breast. the radiologist reassured me that there's an 80% chance it's benign and there's no history of breast cancer in either side of my biological family, but I'm worrying a little bit. I'll admit that a large part of my anxiety is based around the fact that the biopsy is done under a local anesthetic and involves a loud, sudden noise that might make me jump while getting impaled because I have PTSD and an exaggerated startle reflex. I've been hella distracted for the last few days; I'm not making progress on the novel or in my coursework, which just adds to the anxiety. thankfully I have plenty of d&d games to get my mind off of things, but at the moment the biopsy isn't until May 9th. that's a long time to be chewing on this.

and then there's the fact that this won't be resolved until after I meet with the gender therapist to get assessed for a WPATH letter, so I'm wondering if I should reschedule until after the biopsy and add another month or so wait to the top surgery quest. it's funny, one of the first things I thought on the drive home was that hey, if I do get hit with that slim one-in-five chance of it being malignant, at least I can ask for a double mastectomy and skip all the bureaucratic faffing about. XD

so yeah, if I seem quiet and moody, that's what is going on with me.